Don’t get Hansy now!

*Warning this blog post will talk about the Female reproductive parts and menstration, as well as sex, drugs and rock and roll (actually not really)*

So I think after this week I will have met my quota for physical contact, infact I’ll probably have overdosed on it.

Now those of you who know me, or read this blog, know that I am not a people person. In fact I pretty much screw up any type of contact I have with other people. I am not known for being “Nice” , “caring” or “considerate”. I am in no way subtle about my feelings and make it known as soon as the thought barges into my head. This does not exactly make me a popular person.

Also I don’t really liked to be touched. Given the description of myself and the number of failed first, second and sometimes third impressions, why would I be a touchy person? The point i’m trying to get to is that for some reason June has become the “Let’s see how many times we can initiate physical contact with TroubledFred”. People have been finding excuses to shake my hand, hug me, touch my hair and grab my hand, I always react the same way I tense up and my mind sort of short circuits as my body rebels against this sensory overload and I kinda wanna just shout ‘I need an adult!’. Is everyone just out mess with me? to get back at the number of times I ‘accidentally’ insulted someone or have done something embarrassing?

It also doesnt help that I started going to a chiropractor, my first session was actually on Monday, and that itself has filled my quota for the year. It wasn’t too bad except for my shaking and inability to relax. The poking, prodding and bending I needed to do sorta jumbled my mind to the point where most of the stuff that came out of my mouth was (at least to me) gibberish and I don’t remember any of it. He told me a number of times to relax in which I replied okay then tensed even more because how can I relax when someone I just met is touching me? In the end he only realigned my pevis, he sensed that I should start small until I get used to all the touching (I won’t).

I kinda feel bad for my fiance, our usually routine of having sex like bunnies and doing it whenever we have free time has been greatly affected by this and this is just after I just recently got over my battle with death (okay not really death but it freaking felt like it), so I was entirely ready to literally screw him into oblivion. I just can’t bring myself to do it when I get touched by someone, I feel dirty and just raw.

It also doesn’t help that my appointment with my OBGYN is today and she will be poking and prodding an area that only my fiance has touched and really I should be used to it because I am a woman and I bleed for 5 days straight from my vagina and the doctor make sure that I don’t have vampiric gnomes living in my fallopian tubes of toll trolls living in my uterus, she won’t even buy me dinner first.

So the point of all this is please, stop touching me! I don’t like it, I don’t want it and my fiance will hate you if you keep doing it.

Thanks!
BTW I have Madonna’s Like a Prayer stuck in my head.

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Just when I thought I was done, they pull me back in…

So I thought I was getting better. I was starting to feel better, still a bit fatigued but I felt okay enough to start exercsing. This was dashed when Saturday I felt the telltale signs of swollen and sore throat. Hoping it would go away I continued my day, I was already out, no where near home and I wasnt able to be returning until late. Waking up Sunday was horrible I felt hung over, Even though I didn’t drink, I was covered in sweat so bad that everything was pretty much sticking to me. I was shaky and slightly incoherent.

When I get sick, hung over, even depressed the only thing that makes me feel better is a shower.

So thats what I did, I took a shower. Falling asleep and getting rudely awoken by your fiance complaining wasn’t fun, but I felt a bit better.

I’m taking antibiotics again since my tonsils look like someone melted Mozzarella cheese all over them and yesterday I did cough out a very small chunk ( I freaked out!), but I am finally feeling better again.

Why am I let out of my cage?

So this morning I had a converstation with someone I used to know in high school turns out hes a security guard for the building I work at, and he recognized me. I thought that with the surprisingly amount of great conversations I’ve had recently I was cured of my foot in mouth disease turns out I was wrong.

Security Guard: Hey, I think I know you.
TroubledFred: Ok…
Security Guard: Yea I think we used to go to ‘blah, blah’ high school together.
TroubledFred: (realized he was right) Oh yea! We had Drama together. You asked me out once for Homecoming, but I said no because I really did not want to go with you.
*ensure awkward silence*
TroubledFred: So…It was nice seeing you again.
Security Guard: Yea, I guess.

I did not mean for it to come out like that. High school was like 8 years ago, but apparently bringing up the fact that you turned someone down (no matter how long ago it was) is a no no for conversations. Now I know and knowing is half the battle (GI Joe!)

Just a little something I wanted to post, I will be writing about Wondercon 2013 later. Plus a little bit about the wedding that I can’t seem to plan correctly.

Great Realizations and Turning 26

Last Thursday I turned twenty six and I’m now officially on the ‘wrong side of twenty five’, because of this I have seemed to have been tormented by realizations.

–          I’m getting married in six months

–          I want to go back to school soon

–          I may or may not be a shopaholic

–          On day I think I may actually want to have kids, whether or not it’s adoption or actually birthing one(shudder) is up in the air.

–          I truly am a responsible adult.

 This was just the icing on the cake. All these realization seemed to hit me in a span of about twenty seconds while I was online looking at shoes. It left me feeling disoriented and confused.

I know this does not seem like huge eye awakening epiphany, but when it hits you all at once it somewhat stupefies you. It seems that since then I’ve just been having realizations left and right.

Am I having a mid-Mid life crisis? I’m most likely just making mountains out of mole hills.

On a good note it seems as if my social life has been looking up. People are actually asking to be seen with me in public. This is making me entirely too happy, that despite my rambling mouth, wayward attention and insensitivity people still like me. They really like me. 

Theory: Ceiling Trolls

Everyday I come into work I see this dark spot on the floor in the exact same spot only each time I see it, it gets darker and darker.

There is only one explanation for this, we must have a ceiling troll living in our office, what other reason would it be, because to be honest it was the only thing I can think of.

My theory is every night when the cleaning crew leave these ceiling trolls come out and play and because these ceiling trolls like living in damp and swampy ceilings when they open the cover dirty water leaks out.

In order to prove my theory correct I was thinking of installing a hidden camera to capture these trolls in action. (I also have a slight suspicion that these dirty trolls have been stealing the stationary supplies from my desk). Although I think my work has hidden cameras filming us already (that’s a theory for another day) I doubt I can get access to them.

If I do prove these trolls exist and actually do live in ceilings I can get rich and famous and never have to work in my entire life, or maybe people should just lock me up in a mental institute. Either way I wants my stationary back.

 

 

Girls Night in!

So the first girls night of the new year and boy did we decide to start with a bang! (not really but that’s how I’m telling it.) We watched one of the most amazing romantic comedy movies EVER and kept to our resolution of losing weight by eating baked salmon, tomatoes and soy beans. (so good) Sadly no alcohol was consumed on this night.

In case you don’t have the faintest idea what the most amazing romantic comedy movie is, I will tell you. WHEN HARRY MET SALLY!

Image

 

This is one of my favorite movies, If we had time and I was asked to watch it again on the same day a minute after we started watching it I would have said “Load it up!” Most of the discussion was focused on Meg Ryan and how cute she was but how horrid her clothing was in this movie. Harry was right she really needed to wear more Skirts. We were also pleasantly surprised at how adorable Billy Crystal looked. We watched all the classic scenes with relish and laughed at all the real couples who explained how they met. (Awwww…) This movie has it all even stuff I believe men would enjoy, it stimulates conversation and laughs, and would make a great movie for those date nights you just want to snuggle (Shut up you do like snuggling) together on the couch. 

The baked Salmon I made was actually quite good (surprisingly so) and I enjoyed every minute of chowing down, wishing I could have seconds by not letting myself. 

No theme for this one folks seems like the holidays have pretty much drained my wardrobe of anything, but atlas our usually routine of dressing up and NOT going out will happen again.

Overall The movie and food was amazing, the alcohol was missed but not needed and the clothing will be back next month. 

It’s a new year and I’m still alive!

So I am still here and no I have not forgotten about you. The holidays just get busy for me as I spend all my time worrying about things to buy people then get disappointed when I receive my gift and notice that this person could give two shits about me, but hey its the lack of thought that counts.

Okay I will not complain about the holidays, no I refuse. It is a new year a time of change and what not.)

So if you guys didn’t know I am getting married, and I finally have decided to put effort into planning my wedding (I’ve been engaged since August). I think I’ve realized that it won’t plan itself and If I want to have a kick ass reception then I should actually start putting thought into this. So my wedding has become my top priority (not including basic living and health I really can’t stop that.) I think I’m getting a bit excited about it too.

The other thing I’m really excited about is I finally get to start using my new 2013 planner. I know I’m a loser when new stationary gets me to do a happy dance, but none the less it does.

So I guess this is the point of my new year post when I write my New Year’s Resolutions because yes I am just like those people and yes I do at least try to keep them. Most of them are the usually but I hope at least a few are a bit unique.

1.) This one of course is at the top of everyone’s list Lose Weight and I am not going on one of those stupid fad diets, I am actually going to create one myself so far I have the first month planned and I will start planning next month as well and hey if it works maybe I’ll share my secret. I hope by doing this I’ll lose 20-30 pounds hopefully by my wedding date!

2.) This one I do every year and I get slightly better at it but not enough to completely satisfy me. Think before speaking. I’m getting a bit better at first impressions but I slip up every once in a while (‘I just licked my fingers’ I tell someone as I am shaking their hands’).

3.) This one is on a lot of people list and I for one am happy if people actually did this Read more.

4.)Write more I really need to do this more, like a lot more! I need to write more on my blogs, for THE PROJECT, and just personal because this is what keeps me sane.

I know there are more but to be honest I really can’t think of them.

So Happy belate holidays and I hope 2013 becomes the year that everyone wants it to be!

 

My Life Without You.

Sometimes I wonder how I would be with out my fiance. When I get caught in that thought and can’t pull myself out, I get this whole life that comes streaming past, shoving its way into my mind. Paralyzing it.

I picture myself, a kooky spinster with a dog, a tiny brown terrier I named Tiny “T”. I still wouldn’t have that many friends as I would probably be ten times more socially awkward than I am now. Don’t even think about my filter, which would be nonexistent, since I wouldn’t care about trying. My hair would probably be very dark with some ridiculously obnoxious streaked through it that I would change multiple times a year.

I would send Christmas cards to family signed “Tiny T and Me”. I would eventually get a cat because I wouldn’t want Tiny to get lonely and depending on the gender the name would either be Ginger (female) or Peabody (male). The Cat would be old and slightly overweight and would have been a rescue. Ginger (or Peabody) wouldn’t like Tiny at first but they would eventually grow to love each other.

I would live in a studio apartment in an unknown location, it would be messy with too many clothes, not enough furniture, a modest T.V. and a huge sound system with a record player. Vinyls would line my bookcases, some for collection, most for actually listening. I would watch the Oscars and Grammys, T.V. shows like Elementary and BBC Sherlock.

I would drink coffee with too much sugar and creamer in a stupid coffee mug that had a ridiculous image of a dog or cat. If it didn’t have an image it would most likely have a saying that read “Instant human, just add coffee” or “Weapon of Mass Addiction”.

My clothes would never be in style and people would just think I was some quirky, awkward lonely girl (they would be right of course) I would not get married and end up being the crazy aunt that gives the best Christmas presents.

I would never get the hang of cooking for one and would throw away tons of leftovers or give them away. The loneliness would eat at me but I would soldier on splurging on Peabody (Or Ginger) and Tiny T. When they died I would mourn them with soul wrenching sobs and for years to come will debate whether to try another dog or cat.  This always depends on how lonely I feel and if I am able to not let it consume me. I won’t have kids and will try to adopt but will get denied because I’m single and slightly crazy.

I will end up developing some sort of disease that is terminal and I’ll cry and get angry and frustrated but will eventually accept my fate by keeping it a secret. I will create several bucket lists that I will never do, and will die alone in bed surrounded by no one. My landlord will discover my body when he notices I did not pay my rent. My obituary would be small and concise and people would mourn me and state that I died too young. Maybe some will reevaluate their lives.

People would forget about me and I’ll fade out of history.

Or maybe I’ll marry Will Arnett and be ridiculously happy with our witty selves and our funny little kids,

It’s simple really

So I finally get time to update, after all the moving and working and just being tired, I’m able to relax.

Our new house is somewhat settled and were still learning how things are going to work but so far so good

It was because of this that I came to a sudden epiphany.

I hate hiccups.

I get them often and I hate it.

I feel as if I’m not breathing enough. As If I’m about to develop a sudden migraine but refuses to come to surface. As If I am terribly full yet starving.

I abhor hiccups.

Moving has brought this to my attention, I don’t know why, how or where but it has.

I will give a more suitable update later.

I just wanted people to know that I am alive, and apparently hating hiccups.