Should I even try to think positive?

It’s only 7:40am.

I had to throw away my applesauce since it tasted slightly fermented.

I over steeped my tea.

I was yelled at.

Both my dog and cat threw up their breakfast.

I have a headache.

I reevaluated my life three times.

My thermos tastes like coffee. I don’t drink coffee.

My phone is almost dead.

My legs are sore.

I was told to think positive about the day and it will be a positive day. That’s Bullshit.

Advertisements

Don’t get Hansy now!

*Warning this blog post will talk about the Female reproductive parts and menstration, as well as sex, drugs and rock and roll (actually not really)*

So I think after this week I will have met my quota for physical contact, infact I’ll probably have overdosed on it.

Now those of you who know me, or read this blog, know that I am not a people person. In fact I pretty much screw up any type of contact I have with other people. I am not known for being “Nice” , “caring” or “considerate”. I am in no way subtle about my feelings and make it known as soon as the thought barges into my head. This does not exactly make me a popular person.

Also I don’t really liked to be touched. Given the description of myself and the number of failed first, second and sometimes third impressions, why would I be a touchy person? The point i’m trying to get to is that for some reason June has become the “Let’s see how many times we can initiate physical contact with TroubledFred”. People have been finding excuses to shake my hand, hug me, touch my hair and grab my hand, I always react the same way I tense up and my mind sort of short circuits as my body rebels against this sensory overload and I kinda wanna just shout ‘I need an adult!’. Is everyone just out mess with me? to get back at the number of times I ‘accidentally’ insulted someone or have done something embarrassing?

It also doesnt help that I started going to a chiropractor, my first session was actually on Monday, and that itself has filled my quota for the year. It wasn’t too bad except for my shaking and inability to relax. The poking, prodding and bending I needed to do sorta jumbled my mind to the point where most of the stuff that came out of my mouth was (at least to me) gibberish and I don’t remember any of it. He told me a number of times to relax in which I replied okay then tensed even more because how can I relax when someone I just met is touching me? In the end he only realigned my pevis, he sensed that I should start small until I get used to all the touching (I won’t).

I kinda feel bad for my fiance, our usually routine of having sex like bunnies and doing it whenever we have free time has been greatly affected by this and this is just after I just recently got over my battle with death (okay not really death but it freaking felt like it), so I was entirely ready to literally screw him into oblivion. I just can’t bring myself to do it when I get touched by someone, I feel dirty and just raw.

It also doesn’t help that my appointment with my OBGYN is today and she will be poking and prodding an area that only my fiance has touched and really I should be used to it because I am a woman and I bleed for 5 days straight from my vagina and the doctor make sure that I don’t have vampiric gnomes living in my fallopian tubes of toll trolls living in my uterus, she won’t even buy me dinner first.

So the point of all this is please, stop touching me! I don’t like it, I don’t want it and my fiance will hate you if you keep doing it.

Thanks!
BTW I have Madonna’s Like a Prayer stuck in my head.

My Head Might Just Explode

My head might just explode and it’s not because of my ego either.

I woke up this morning grumpy, tired and so full of ‘Fuck off’ that I’m having trouble thinking clearly, I am also finding myself getting irrationally angry at everything. My coworker’s tone of voice, my phone, I am even getting mad at the way I’m writing my ‘R’.

I think I am doing a great job at hiding the volcano of anger that seems to be bubbling under the surface of my skin. The start of this week actually seemed great, I felt accomplished, I’ve been working out and my energy level was great, But today it seemed like all the work from the past week was completely trashed because of how I woke up.

This needs to end soon, I will not have my weekend ruined because of this

I hate the doctor.

So I called in sick for work and went to the doctor. I didn’t see my usual doctor as she seems to always be completely booked with patient, but whatever. I felt somewhat okay going to the doctor I was confident that this time I am not dying and I didn’t even really have a long wait time.

Now I always have a distinct image of how a doctor should look, and it is very cliche and so not even how doctors look. (you would think that since I work in a doctor office this image would go away, it hasn’t) I was somewhat taken off balanced when in comes a pint sized person with make up and heels.
I am not taking about cute little kitten heels that you can actually walk in, no I’m talking about 5 inch ‘in da club’ heels. I dismiss this because I’m just like ‘hey do it if ya can’ she goes about checking me, but im stiff because a person I don’t know is touching me and this makes me uncomfortable.

So I need throat cultures because I have pocket of puss on my tonsils, (gross!) so she needs to swab them with a long q-tip. She doesn’t swab them however, if feels like she is just poking and prodding trying to check my gag reflex and I finally pull her hand away because ‘hey I don’t like that.’ she apologizes but doesn’t look sorry and I apologize to because that is just how this goes. She gives me a Rx because I need antibiotics and tells me to take the cultures to the lab and get blood drawn.

That’s fine.

I check in at the lab and wait for my number to be called which once again does not take very long when I walk in the guy doesn’t acknowledge me too busy gossiping with the other guy there. I am polite and casually clear my throat. I get a death glare because I just interrupted his conversation, he sighs and starts to get out the supplies needed. This does not deter me, I remain polite and ask about his day, I am ignored. I comply with his instructons he gives and he sticks the needle in a bit rough and I flinch because that hurts, and he murmurs under his breath ‘oh god, don’t cry’. I take offense because I am not gonna cry so I respond ‘my eyes are dry’ he gives me another glare takes the filled vial of blood out and jams in another one once again roughly I flinch and I think I see him hold back a smile.

I should have reported him or something but I didn’t want to be ‘that girl’

Just when I thought I was done, they pull me back in…

So I thought I was getting better. I was starting to feel better, still a bit fatigued but I felt okay enough to start exercsing. This was dashed when Saturday I felt the telltale signs of swollen and sore throat. Hoping it would go away I continued my day, I was already out, no where near home and I wasnt able to be returning until late. Waking up Sunday was horrible I felt hung over, Even though I didn’t drink, I was covered in sweat so bad that everything was pretty much sticking to me. I was shaky and slightly incoherent.

When I get sick, hung over, even depressed the only thing that makes me feel better is a shower.

So thats what I did, I took a shower. Falling asleep and getting rudely awoken by your fiance complaining wasn’t fun, but I felt a bit better.

I’m taking antibiotics again since my tonsils look like someone melted Mozzarella cheese all over them and yesterday I did cough out a very small chunk ( I freaked out!), but I am finally feeling better again.

You better get out of my mouth before you start talking to me!

So last thursday I went to the dentist, and despite the fact that I havent been to the dentist in about a decade it wasnt so bad. a couple cleanings and 2 fillings was all this lady needed (Thank you Sweet Apple Pie in the Sky).

The dentist was recommended to me by a friend and I thought ‘What the hell I got insurance now I should probably use it’. The dentist office was actually very nice and was very thorough. They believe in a overall health practice where your teeth attributes to other health problems. Everything went great but…

There was just one problem.

Now I know I don’t usually come off as ‘friendly’ or ‘nice’ when people first meet me, so it’s refreshing when people talk to you and seem genuinely interested in things you have to say, but do you really have to do it when I have my mouth wide open? I can’t really respond when I have to hold still for x-rays. I can’t tell you about my day when your measuring my gums and I have to keep still. You should’nt ask questions about my wedding when your knuckle deep in my mouth.

Is it just me who has a problem with this?

I don’t mind you talking to me, but when I can’t answer those questions because the body part I use to answer those questions is occupied does that make me look rude?

I have enough problems with that, thank you very much.