Should I even try to think positive?

It’s only 7:40am.

I had to throw away my applesauce since it tasted slightly fermented.

I over steeped my tea.

I was yelled at.

Both my dog and cat threw up their breakfast.

I have a headache.

I reevaluated my life three times.

My thermos tastes like coffee. I don’t drink coffee.

My phone is almost dead.

My legs are sore.

I was told to think positive about the day and it will be a positive day. That’s Bullshit.

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Don’t get Hansy now!

*Warning this blog post will talk about the Female reproductive parts and menstration, as well as sex, drugs and rock and roll (actually not really)*

So I think after this week I will have met my quota for physical contact, infact I’ll probably have overdosed on it.

Now those of you who know me, or read this blog, know that I am not a people person. In fact I pretty much screw up any type of contact I have with other people. I am not known for being “Nice” , “caring” or “considerate”. I am in no way subtle about my feelings and make it known as soon as the thought barges into my head. This does not exactly make me a popular person.

Also I don’t really liked to be touched. Given the description of myself and the number of failed first, second and sometimes third impressions, why would I be a touchy person? The point i’m trying to get to is that for some reason June has become the “Let’s see how many times we can initiate physical contact with TroubledFred”. People have been finding excuses to shake my hand, hug me, touch my hair and grab my hand, I always react the same way I tense up and my mind sort of short circuits as my body rebels against this sensory overload and I kinda wanna just shout ‘I need an adult!’. Is everyone just out mess with me? to get back at the number of times I ‘accidentally’ insulted someone or have done something embarrassing?

It also doesnt help that I started going to a chiropractor, my first session was actually on Monday, and that itself has filled my quota for the year. It wasn’t too bad except for my shaking and inability to relax. The poking, prodding and bending I needed to do sorta jumbled my mind to the point where most of the stuff that came out of my mouth was (at least to me) gibberish and I don’t remember any of it. He told me a number of times to relax in which I replied okay then tensed even more because how can I relax when someone I just met is touching me? In the end he only realigned my pevis, he sensed that I should start small until I get used to all the touching (I won’t).

I kinda feel bad for my fiance, our usually routine of having sex like bunnies and doing it whenever we have free time has been greatly affected by this and this is just after I just recently got over my battle with death (okay not really death but it freaking felt like it), so I was entirely ready to literally screw him into oblivion. I just can’t bring myself to do it when I get touched by someone, I feel dirty and just raw.

It also doesn’t help that my appointment with my OBGYN is today and she will be poking and prodding an area that only my fiance has touched and really I should be used to it because I am a woman and I bleed for 5 days straight from my vagina and the doctor make sure that I don’t have vampiric gnomes living in my fallopian tubes of toll trolls living in my uterus, she won’t even buy me dinner first.

So the point of all this is please, stop touching me! I don’t like it, I don’t want it and my fiance will hate you if you keep doing it.

Thanks!
BTW I have Madonna’s Like a Prayer stuck in my head.

My Head Might Just Explode

My head might just explode and it’s not because of my ego either.

I woke up this morning grumpy, tired and so full of ‘Fuck off’ that I’m having trouble thinking clearly, I am also finding myself getting irrationally angry at everything. My coworker’s tone of voice, my phone, I am even getting mad at the way I’m writing my ‘R’.

I think I am doing a great job at hiding the volcano of anger that seems to be bubbling under the surface of my skin. The start of this week actually seemed great, I felt accomplished, I’ve been working out and my energy level was great, But today it seemed like all the work from the past week was completely trashed because of how I woke up.

This needs to end soon, I will not have my weekend ruined because of this

I hate the doctor.

So I called in sick for work and went to the doctor. I didn’t see my usual doctor as she seems to always be completely booked with patient, but whatever. I felt somewhat okay going to the doctor I was confident that this time I am not dying and I didn’t even really have a long wait time.

Now I always have a distinct image of how a doctor should look, and it is very cliche and so not even how doctors look. (you would think that since I work in a doctor office this image would go away, it hasn’t) I was somewhat taken off balanced when in comes a pint sized person with make up and heels.
I am not taking about cute little kitten heels that you can actually walk in, no I’m talking about 5 inch ‘in da club’ heels. I dismiss this because I’m just like ‘hey do it if ya can’ she goes about checking me, but im stiff because a person I don’t know is touching me and this makes me uncomfortable.

So I need throat cultures because I have pocket of puss on my tonsils, (gross!) so she needs to swab them with a long q-tip. She doesn’t swab them however, if feels like she is just poking and prodding trying to check my gag reflex and I finally pull her hand away because ‘hey I don’t like that.’ she apologizes but doesn’t look sorry and I apologize to because that is just how this goes. She gives me a Rx because I need antibiotics and tells me to take the cultures to the lab and get blood drawn.

That’s fine.

I check in at the lab and wait for my number to be called which once again does not take very long when I walk in the guy doesn’t acknowledge me too busy gossiping with the other guy there. I am polite and casually clear my throat. I get a death glare because I just interrupted his conversation, he sighs and starts to get out the supplies needed. This does not deter me, I remain polite and ask about his day, I am ignored. I comply with his instructons he gives and he sticks the needle in a bit rough and I flinch because that hurts, and he murmurs under his breath ‘oh god, don’t cry’. I take offense because I am not gonna cry so I respond ‘my eyes are dry’ he gives me another glare takes the filled vial of blood out and jams in another one once again roughly I flinch and I think I see him hold back a smile.

I should have reported him or something but I didn’t want to be ‘that girl’

Just when I thought I was done, they pull me back in…

So I thought I was getting better. I was starting to feel better, still a bit fatigued but I felt okay enough to start exercsing. This was dashed when Saturday I felt the telltale signs of swollen and sore throat. Hoping it would go away I continued my day, I was already out, no where near home and I wasnt able to be returning until late. Waking up Sunday was horrible I felt hung over, Even though I didn’t drink, I was covered in sweat so bad that everything was pretty much sticking to me. I was shaky and slightly incoherent.

When I get sick, hung over, even depressed the only thing that makes me feel better is a shower.

So thats what I did, I took a shower. Falling asleep and getting rudely awoken by your fiance complaining wasn’t fun, but I felt a bit better.

I’m taking antibiotics again since my tonsils look like someone melted Mozzarella cheese all over them and yesterday I did cough out a very small chunk ( I freaked out!), but I am finally feeling better again.

And it’s been a while…

Sorry for the lack of updates, my health has been a problem recently. I had a very bad case of the flu that resulted in over 2 weeks of sickness and almost a entire week off of work (bye bye sick time), but I have finally stopped spitting up horrible green goo and I am back to regular self. I may have been a bigger bitch than usual due to my illness but I won’t apologize because I was in a horrible mood and felt entitled to be meanier than usual.

So what’s new?

Well just a bit of things really, I went for a my food and cake tasting for my wedding that was interesting and delicious, so now I can’t wait for my wedding so I can eat! I finally mailed out my save the dates so people got those (yay!) but the date keeps looming closer and closer and I just seem to be constantly reminded of the things I still need to do. If anyone has any referrals to photographers (that won’t charge me the price of my entire wedding) let me know.

I will probably be going back to school, getting a degree in social and behavioral science then transferring for my bachlors for merchandising or marketing. I feel really old sometimes, especially when I think of going back to school since I know that it will take more than a couple of years to get my degree, especially working full time and taking night classes. I have a feeling I am going to be burnt out.

I’ll update more I promise!

You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?

This morning I am going to address something that has been bothering me for a long time.

My fiance’s best friend is a woman. This woman is my Maid of Honor. I get along with her very well, but to me she will always be my fiance’s best friend, this does not bother me. My fiance and her make plans and go out for dinner just the two of them, this does not bother me. She and my Fiance have a weekly T.V night that they spend hours in front of the T.V. watching a particular show that they both have been wanting to see (some I have interest in, some I don’t), they have been doing this for about 2 years or so, this does not bother me.

What bothers me is the stupid questions and replies that people tell me when I tell them that my fiance’s best friend is a woman. It’s almost always the same thing, I’ve pretty much memorized it by now.

This is how it goes after I tell someone that my Maid of Honor is my fiance’s best friend. (this has been coming up more and more due to my impending nuptials)

“And you let him get away with it? Your just comfortable with it? What if something happens between them? You trust them? Aren’t you jealous? If he was my guy I would not be okay with that.”

First off that first question: ‘And you let him get away with it?’ he’s a grown ass man, I am not his mother. If he wants to do something than he’s going to do it regardless of me. He does take in account of my feelings when he does something (just like I do about him) but ultimately hes going to do what hes going to do.

Second question: ‘Your just comfortable with it?’ Yea I am and what?

The third and fourth questions always come together; ‘What if something happens between them? You trust them?’ If something were to happen between them then I hope (if they actually do care about me) they would tell me, and of course I would be angry and sad and everything that comes with along with being betrayed. They have never given me a reason not to trust them I’ve been with my fiance for almost ten years, and I’ve known my Maid of Honor for about 6 years, so I trust them alot.

Fifth question; ‘Aren’t you jealous’ No I’m not. There has never been a time where I looked at them and thought ‘bitch better back off my man!’ I’ve said the line in jest but never out of emotion.
I can tell you the exact reason when I’ve been jealous of them and I will list them although it is not the type of jealousy most people expect

-I am jealous of the fact they can eat solid food (they went to Dennys last night, and I’m on a juice diet and I’m so hungry)
-I am jealous of the fact that they can find the most stupidist stuff funny (because to be honest most of the stuff is stupid.)
-I am jealous of the fact that she can laugh at his puns (actually no I’m not)

That’s really it

‘If he was my man I would not be okay with it’ okay I didn’t ask for your opinion, and I really don’t need a lecture about something that isn’t any of your business. Lastly he’s not your man he’s mine.

Back the Fuck off Bitches!

Why am I let out of my cage?

So this morning I had a converstation with someone I used to know in high school turns out hes a security guard for the building I work at, and he recognized me. I thought that with the surprisingly amount of great conversations I’ve had recently I was cured of my foot in mouth disease turns out I was wrong.

Security Guard: Hey, I think I know you.
TroubledFred: Ok…
Security Guard: Yea I think we used to go to ‘blah, blah’ high school together.
TroubledFred: (realized he was right) Oh yea! We had Drama together. You asked me out once for Homecoming, but I said no because I really did not want to go with you.
*ensure awkward silence*
TroubledFred: So…It was nice seeing you again.
Security Guard: Yea, I guess.

I did not mean for it to come out like that. High school was like 8 years ago, but apparently bringing up the fact that you turned someone down (no matter how long ago it was) is a no no for conversations. Now I know and knowing is half the battle (GI Joe!)

Just a little something I wanted to post, I will be writing about Wondercon 2013 later. Plus a little bit about the wedding that I can’t seem to plan correctly.

You better get out of my mouth before you start talking to me!

So last thursday I went to the dentist, and despite the fact that I havent been to the dentist in about a decade it wasnt so bad. a couple cleanings and 2 fillings was all this lady needed (Thank you Sweet Apple Pie in the Sky).

The dentist was recommended to me by a friend and I thought ‘What the hell I got insurance now I should probably use it’. The dentist office was actually very nice and was very thorough. They believe in a overall health practice where your teeth attributes to other health problems. Everything went great but…

There was just one problem.

Now I know I don’t usually come off as ‘friendly’ or ‘nice’ when people first meet me, so it’s refreshing when people talk to you and seem genuinely interested in things you have to say, but do you really have to do it when I have my mouth wide open? I can’t really respond when I have to hold still for x-rays. I can’t tell you about my day when your measuring my gums and I have to keep still. You should’nt ask questions about my wedding when your knuckle deep in my mouth.

Is it just me who has a problem with this?

I don’t mind you talking to me, but when I can’t answer those questions because the body part I use to answer those questions is occupied does that make me look rude?

I have enough problems with that, thank you very much.