Loneliness, Weird Dreams and Survival

My fiance is leaving me for a week to go to chicago, its for his work so he MUST go. We have been together for almost 10 years and during these almost 10 years we have never been apart for longer than 3 days, while I do miss him terribly it isn’t until night time that it really hits me. So most of the night as I get woken up by random sounds that make me think someone is breaking in, the wind howling at my bedroom window and my animals whom I have let sleep in my bed while he’s away (Most of the time when I wake up I’m completely smushed up against the wall). The night is when the loneliness creeps in, I’m just used to him being there. I miss his snoring, his mumbled talking, and hell I even miss him talking about Moonshiners and Duck Dynasty. It’s so very ridiculous that only after two nights alone am I feeling like this. I was hoping to at least make it three days.

My fiance knows me so well that he reminds me to eat. It’s not that I choose not to eat, its just sometimes I forget. It happens I get so into doing other things that I completely forget that food even exists. I’ve even comtemplated putting reminders in my phone. so far I have been eating (score for me) but to be honest its not great food. The monday he left I demolished my diet by going to Ihop and getting a huge french toast meal, then I ate nachos and drank a soda. Maybe this is me rebelling that he’s gone? either way I was disgusted with myself the next morning as I still felt so full the day before.

I haven’t been sleeping well, yes this is true but when I do sleep the weirdest dreams keep popping up. On monday night I had a dream where I seduced Jim Parsons and we became friends with benefits. Although our sexual encounters were so very awkward that we would tend to berate each other and put each other down. It was almost a nightmare, at least the sex was decent. Last night my dream was even weirder. I was a CIA agent going undercover in Russia to hunt down William Dafoe. Apparently Mr. Dafoe was a Russian spy who stole the secrets of making the glue that goes on letters that you had to wet. He was going to poison every letter in the world and I had to stop him (cause you know I was the only one who could). The dream resorted into me jumping off twenty story buildings, sky diving into russia and befriending a dancing bear who wore a Tutu. The bears name was Mimi (silly name for a boy bear). I had a pistol that never ran out of bullets and I got shot twice.

I hope I can survive the rest of the week.


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