I Blame it on Big Lots

*Originally written on 11/18*

I had gone to get some air fresher since it was close to the place where I would be buying my lunch. It didn’t open until 11 and as I checked my phone I had. Noticed that I still had quite a bit of time to waste while waiting for it to open. Perusing the aisles I scoffed as silent night played over the speakers, it wasn’t even thanksgiving and Christmas songs were playing. In my head thanksgiving was beginning to become the forgotten holiday. It saddened me as I have always enjoyed thanksgiving and always dreaded Christmas.


Looking around the store I couldn’t help but think of ideas for Christmas presents. When I got to the section with the decorations I thought about how I wished I could put up a Christmas tree and perhaps some stockings, maybe hang up some lights. It wasn’t until I was searching the children’s section and casually thought that when I had a child I would get it a Mr. Potato head and one of those rugs with the map on it because every child should have one. This brought me to an abrupt stop. What the hell was wrong with me? Why would I think something like that? I am scared of children, find them quite annoying actually. I then remember my thoughts earlier about Christmas. I abhorred Christmas, why would I ever think something like that. I then took a look at my behavior over the past year.


I have not been a thing like myself. I thought of Halloween and my disappointment at not having anyone come to our door. I have also discussed with Jeff the names of our future children and have said out loud that I had wanted kids. What in the deepest of the pacific was this?


Was I infected? Did I have some disease? Should I warn others? What the hell do I do? I just stood there trying not to have a panic attack as this revelation washed over me.


I don’t know how long I stood there in the toy aisle staring off into space thinking about this past year and what I have been doing, but I eventually came to my senses paid for my purchases and left that dreadfully awful store and just blamed everything on Big Lots. It was easier to do


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