Why my faith in humanity has just gone down

So I really, really wanted to keep this blog positive, upbeat and about fashion, Beauty and health. I was originally planning a post on receiving my Stylish Surprise from Modcloth this week, but it looks like things change and now I’ll have to plan it for tomorrow.

So Today I was driving from a meeting in Long Beach to Torrance. It was a beautiful day today so I thought ‘What the Heck’ I’ll skip the air conditioning and roll the window down. Lana Del Rey was Blaring ‘Summertime Sadness’ and I was feeling pretty great. My shades were on and I was as relaxed as I had been all week just driving down PCH. That was until two guys pulled up in the left turn lane next to me in a white pickup. I saw they were looking at me but I just ignored it since it was a great day. Then they started calling out to me, they were asking for my name and number tell me how ‘cool and awesome’ I seemed and how hot I looked. i just smiled and told them I was married and flashed my wedding ring as to prove it. Unfortunately this did not deter them, in fact it seemed to spur them on even more.

Decided that I finally had enough and rolled up my window. This apparently displeased them greatly so they thought it was a good idea to throw trash, lit cigarettes and soda on my car, I was unable to get their license plate because their light turned green. I don’t know what I would have done had I gotten their license plate. The situation only took about a minute, but in that minuet my day was ruined and I still had to return to work.


When I returned to work I was upset and explained to my coworkers what happened. Their reaction was to roll their eyes and say ‘yea, I hate it when guys do that’ Now this isn’t the first time that I’ve been hit on then yelled at for not reacting the way they wanted. I have even been groped in a club before (I immediately tried to fight the guy). Why is this is normal for us? Why do we just look the other way when behavior like this happens? I’m not just talking about men either, I’ve seen women harass others just as much. Why do people think that cat calling while hanging out of your car is okay? Do you think this would make me like you? Do you think that it turns me on when you yell or touch me inappropriately? I’m a married women who deeply loves her husband why in the world would I was to cheat especially with someone like you?

This is not okay. It will never be okay and we should accept this.


I’m Here, Just Got a Bit Lost on the Road to Life

So, I’m still here just horribly busy with my wedding that’s coming up in about a month.

I can see the appeal of why people elope. Last month I was seriously considering just cancelling the wedding and going to Vegas. Actually pretty much still considering it, if only the deposits I made were refundable then I probably would hesitate and 2 plane tickets to vegas would be books in about an hour, $2,000 is alot of just waste away.

I feel like someone should have warned me about the politics of getting married. Everything was fine until I mailed the invitations out, now all of a sudden I feel the stress of dealing with people. As you’ve read before on my blog, I am not a people person, so this has so far been the worse part of planning this wedding. I shaw list all the problems I have been having with this wedding. Lists are comforting, lists make me feel in control. Lists are good.

1. RSVPs. My RSVP date was August 3rd. Todays date is August 7th. 1/3 of my guest list still haven’t RSVP’d. That means I have to contact each person, ask if they recieved the invite (which all of them replied that yes they have). I then have to remind them to please send their RSVP, which they reply ‘Can’t you just mark I’m coming’. I then sigh and just reply that in order to keep my records exact to please mail the RSVP. People don’t understand that I have LOTS of stuff I’m doing and planning and this is just tedious. It’s plain rude to not send the RSVP card in, its rude to argue with the person asking you to send the RSVP card. Apparently most of my guests are rude people. Another fact, if I mark a person down as they are coming and they don’t show up thats $35 down the drain. This way I have the RSVP card as proof (a contract of sorts) that you said you were coming to my wedding, and I didn’t just put you down because I really hoped you would come.

2. Seating arrangements. I know some people don’t get along, and some people really want to sit next to certain people, but when you have 100 trying to accomidate everyone is just a pain. Something I don’t want to deal with and I havent be able to really figure out, but I’m still working on it.

3. Peoples attitudes. Yes I know some people are unhappy with certain things, like the face that I stated no kids for the wedding, or the fact that the ceremony and the reception are on two different days. Some people are even giving me attitude about the fact the reception is on a friday. I don’t try to argue, I just ignore it, if these things bother you then just don’t come. I’m not forcing you to come to my wedding, this is MY and my FIANCE wedding. WE are the ones paying for it.

So I can’t wait for the date! Despite these three things I am going to enjoy my wedding and have fun and rejoice in the fact that I am marrying my dream man.

Should I even try to think positive?

It’s only 7:40am.

I had to throw away my applesauce since it tasted slightly fermented.

I over steeped my tea.

I was yelled at.

Both my dog and cat threw up their breakfast.

I have a headache.

I reevaluated my life three times.

My thermos tastes like coffee. I don’t drink coffee.

My phone is almost dead.

My legs are sore.

I was told to think positive about the day and it will be a positive day. That’s Bullshit.

Don’t get Hansy now!

*Warning this blog post will talk about the Female reproductive parts and menstration, as well as sex, drugs and rock and roll (actually not really)*

So I think after this week I will have met my quota for physical contact, infact I’ll probably have overdosed on it.

Now those of you who know me, or read this blog, know that I am not a people person. In fact I pretty much screw up any type of contact I have with other people. I am not known for being “Nice” , “caring” or “considerate”. I am in no way subtle about my feelings and make it known as soon as the thought barges into my head. This does not exactly make me a popular person.

Also I don’t really liked to be touched. Given the description of myself and the number of failed first, second and sometimes third impressions, why would I be a touchy person? The point i’m trying to get to is that for some reason June has become the “Let’s see how many times we can initiate physical contact with TroubledFred”. People have been finding excuses to shake my hand, hug me, touch my hair and grab my hand, I always react the same way I tense up and my mind sort of short circuits as my body rebels against this sensory overload and I kinda wanna just shout ‘I need an adult!’. Is everyone just out mess with me? to get back at the number of times I ‘accidentally’ insulted someone or have done something embarrassing?

It also doesnt help that I started going to a chiropractor, my first session was actually on Monday, and that itself has filled my quota for the year. It wasn’t too bad except for my shaking and inability to relax. The poking, prodding and bending I needed to do sorta jumbled my mind to the point where most of the stuff that came out of my mouth was (at least to me) gibberish and I don’t remember any of it. He told me a number of times to relax in which I replied okay then tensed even more because how can I relax when someone I just met is touching me? In the end he only realigned my pevis, he sensed that I should start small until I get used to all the touching (I won’t).

I kinda feel bad for my fiance, our usually routine of having sex like bunnies and doing it whenever we have free time has been greatly affected by this and this is just after I just recently got over my battle with death (okay not really death but it freaking felt like it), so I was entirely ready to literally screw him into oblivion. I just can’t bring myself to do it when I get touched by someone, I feel dirty and just raw.

It also doesn’t help that my appointment with my OBGYN is today and she will be poking and prodding an area that only my fiance has touched and really I should be used to it because I am a woman and I bleed for 5 days straight from my vagina and the doctor make sure that I don’t have vampiric gnomes living in my fallopian tubes of toll trolls living in my uterus, she won’t even buy me dinner first.

So the point of all this is please, stop touching me! I don’t like it, I don’t want it and my fiance will hate you if you keep doing it.

BTW I have Madonna’s Like a Prayer stuck in my head.

My Head Might Just Explode

My head might just explode and it’s not because of my ego either.

I woke up this morning grumpy, tired and so full of ‘Fuck off’ that I’m having trouble thinking clearly, I am also finding myself getting irrationally angry at everything. My coworker’s tone of voice, my phone, I am even getting mad at the way I’m writing my ‘R’.

I think I am doing a great job at hiding the volcano of anger that seems to be bubbling under the surface of my skin. The start of this week actually seemed great, I felt accomplished, I’ve been working out and my energy level was great, But today it seemed like all the work from the past week was completely trashed because of how I woke up.

This needs to end soon, I will not have my weekend ruined because of this

I hate the doctor.

So I called in sick for work and went to the doctor. I didn’t see my usual doctor as she seems to always be completely booked with patient, but whatever. I felt somewhat okay going to the doctor I was confident that this time I am not dying and I didn’t even really have a long wait time.

Now I always have a distinct image of how a doctor should look, and it is very cliche and so not even how doctors look. (you would think that since I work in a doctor office this image would go away, it hasn’t) I was somewhat taken off balanced when in comes a pint sized person with make up and heels.
I am not taking about cute little kitten heels that you can actually walk in, no I’m talking about 5 inch ‘in da club’ heels. I dismiss this because I’m just like ‘hey do it if ya can’ she goes about checking me, but im stiff because a person I don’t know is touching me and this makes me uncomfortable.

So I need throat cultures because I have pocket of puss on my tonsils, (gross!) so she needs to swab them with a long q-tip. She doesn’t swab them however, if feels like she is just poking and prodding trying to check my gag reflex and I finally pull her hand away because ‘hey I don’t like that.’ she apologizes but doesn’t look sorry and I apologize to because that is just how this goes. She gives me a Rx because I need antibiotics and tells me to take the cultures to the lab and get blood drawn.

That’s fine.

I check in at the lab and wait for my number to be called which once again does not take very long when I walk in the guy doesn’t acknowledge me too busy gossiping with the other guy there. I am polite and casually clear my throat. I get a death glare because I just interrupted his conversation, he sighs and starts to get out the supplies needed. This does not deter me, I remain polite and ask about his day, I am ignored. I comply with his instructons he gives and he sticks the needle in a bit rough and I flinch because that hurts, and he murmurs under his breath ‘oh god, don’t cry’. I take offense because I am not gonna cry so I respond ‘my eyes are dry’ he gives me another glare takes the filled vial of blood out and jams in another one once again roughly I flinch and I think I see him hold back a smile.

I should have reported him or something but I didn’t want to be ‘that girl’

Just when I thought I was done, they pull me back in…

So I thought I was getting better. I was starting to feel better, still a bit fatigued but I felt okay enough to start exercsing. This was dashed when Saturday I felt the telltale signs of swollen and sore throat. Hoping it would go away I continued my day, I was already out, no where near home and I wasnt able to be returning until late. Waking up Sunday was horrible I felt hung over, Even though I didn’t drink, I was covered in sweat so bad that everything was pretty much sticking to me. I was shaky and slightly incoherent.

When I get sick, hung over, even depressed the only thing that makes me feel better is a shower.

So thats what I did, I took a shower. Falling asleep and getting rudely awoken by your fiance complaining wasn’t fun, but I felt a bit better.

I’m taking antibiotics again since my tonsils look like someone melted Mozzarella cheese all over them and yesterday I did cough out a very small chunk ( I freaked out!), but I am finally feeling better again.